Road Trip to Thames Lido

Back in May I suggested to swim buddy that it would be lovely to celebrate her forthcoming VERY LARGE birthday by going on a swimming road trip, however, after our previous trip, I was nervous about going on another one, and hoped that enough time had gone by for her to forgive and forget about the last one that I organised to Wales, for the Hurly Burly swim, which included - let’s call it a monumentally bad hotel choice, and leave it there. 

As soon as I suggested my idea, it was immediately followed by some shameless hinting, by her, about how lovely Thames Lido was, and as I’d not been and wanted to see for myself, I bought her one of their swim&dinner vouchers as a gift. To be honest, I should probably have given her two, so she could choose who she went with, being that it was her birthday and all, but as I was one hundred percent not confident that she would have chosen to go with me rather than Mr Shark, and having seen on line at how lovely it looked, I really, really wanted to go, so I bought her just the one ticket… just in case!

Despite her birthday being back in May, (Shark was really eeking out the celebrations), finally, this week several months later, we made it! I insisted that we drove this time, despite it taking four and a half hours to get there, this was because on a previous swim road trip when Shark was put in charge of transport, she managed to book us onto the only silent carriage on the twenty carriage train, which meant that we had to not talk for two very long hours, AND had to be quiet, which turned out to be nigh impossible when your snack of choice for the journey was the noisiest crisps in the world! And so, because Shark had been sacked from the role of transport organiser on the back of this, I insisted we drove instead so we could actually talk and eat anything we liked for the whole drive if we so wished. In the interest of fairness though, but mostly because my last hotel booking was more Faulty Towers than luxury escapes, I put her in charge of sorting out the hotel instead. More about that bad decision later...

Just to fill you in… and because I took the time to read up, I’ll share. 

In 1902 this amazing open air swimming pool was built for the ladies of Reading at the cost of £4,890 (the menfolk had their own 79m pool already built). Unfortunately, it closed in 1974, and fell into disrepair. It was on the verge of demolition when in 2004 it was granted Grade 2 listed status after a public campaign, and in 2013 the local council agreed to allow the management at Bristol Lido to develop the site. In 2017 it reopened to the public (NOT just ladies), and now includes a restaurant, bar, spa and the best fluffy towels, and looks all rather lovely!

We arrived in Reading and headed straight to our hotel (after getting lost twice). On first impressions it looked great, especially since it included all the basic requirements that were sorely lacking from the last one. The one I chose. Like an en-suite bathroom, a non-circa 1960’s carpet, a wardrobe with a door and full size towels that were large enough to actually cover every bit of you whilst you went from bathroom to bedroom... It also looked to have proper curtains (unlike the ones in Wales) – the type that drew fully. And it was at that moment, when I decided to take a look out of the window at the view of Reading, that I saw it… Or didn’t as the case was. The view – or lack of. The ‘view’ from the window was NOT of Reading town centre, or rooftops or anything at all. The view was completely blocked by a huge white box thingy. I chose to say nothing, because as far as complaints went, I really didn’t have a leg to stand on after my bad choice, but felt a little reprieved, because whilst we did have fully working curtains, it was still a really bad view!

After 4.5 hours we had finally arrived!

After we had unpacked, we quickly headed to the Lido, and not wanting to appear too keen (but we really were), we arrived at the Lido fashionably early and made the most of the opportunity to sample their coffee. We were going to only have coffee, on account that I usually wasn’t all that great with eating and then swimming straights after (unless it’s one from my tried and tested somewhat eclectic list – mainly comprising of Jaffa Cakes, Fat Rascals and Milky Way), however Shark insisted that if we were going to drive all that way, we should at least go for the full experience, and by the recommendation of the barista, we also tried the Turkish frangipani and a Portuguese custard tart. I didn’t usually like to break tradition of having cake and such like until after we had swim, but as it was a special occasion, decided that just this once, pre and post swim food was fine. The fact that they were absolutely delicious may have contributed to that decision… And actually, in the interest of a full experience, and because I absolutely didn't share, and also because I had a severe case of pudding envy, decided that breaking protocol on this occasion was absolutely fine with me… Unless I threw up, in which case it would be not fine with anybody, especially if the pool were to be evacuated.

After wolfing down our food (it was so tasty) I felt ready to conquer the world… well, the pool anyway! We decided that we would have a swim first, after all, that was what we had actually come for, and so headed to get changed. Shark couldn’t wait and because she couldn’t wait, entered the pool, not via the steps like everyone else, but just by hopping over the poolside because it was nearer. Unfortunately, it was a bit deeper than she anticipated, and instead more or less dunked herself under the water losing her cap and goggles and dignity. It could well have been karma at work, on the back of the fact that she didn’t shower before she fell, rather loudly, in… Learning by her mistake I chose to shower and then take the steps, because if anyone were to cock up getting into a pool, hands down (literally) it would be me!

Usually when I went swimming in a pool I got in and swam without even so much as registering my surroundings. I was there to train for something or other, and just want to get in and get on with it, however there was something about Thames Lido that made me not want to plough up and down this pool at high speed, but to take in my surroundings, and so instead, and because I was no good at breaststroke, did a rather random stroke that was a cross between doggy paddle and I have no clue what, which allowed me to savour the atmosphere (bit too whimsical? Probably.), I mean, if someone had gone to the trouble of spending four years and £3.5million restoring this amazing place, then the least I could do was to appreciate their efforts, and it was so lovely to be swimming outside in this suburban bolt hole. The heated pool made a lovely change from chillier lake water I was used to, and as I was confident that there would absolutely not be any aquatic livestock in the water, so what was the worst that could happen? A leaf attack?

After a lovely long ‘swim’ Shark was worried we wouldn’t have enough time to try anything else if we didn’t get a move on, and decided that we should immediately get out pf the pool and head to the hot tub. When it came to be getting out of water, I have learned that rushing to get out, whether pool or open water, would without doubt end in either a spectacular loss of dignity, or worse, a toenail.

No-one was in the hot tub, and as there was no-one else in it, we spent a couple of minutes relaxing before I decided that it was it was the perfect size to fulfil one of this year’s self-improvement challenges – to swim a length of butterfly in a pool, and because I didn’t actually specify how long that length had to be, I saw no reason to not do it in a ‘pool’ that was approximately 3.5 metres long. After all, a length was a length, right? After only one practice run under my belt, Shark strongly advised that I abort my mission on safety grounds, or on the likelihood that it would get us evicted - thrown out onto the streets of Reading wearing nothing but our costumes, and try again another time… Like when she wasn’t there, but I was determined, and Shark decided that if I was to do it, I was on my own and she would have no part in it. She took herself off to the sauna. Probably to laugh from there. 

Two butterfly strokes later and my challenge was complete. It was actually easier than I thought it would be, and I also managed to not graze my arms on either of the sides of the very narrow 'pool' too, which I consider a great accomplishment, as I have the wingspan of an albatross, and grazed knuckles (and arms and shoulders and even ear - best not to ask), usually from lane ropes, were a regular hazard for me. All this excessive training was tiring and with the excitement of achieving such a difficult challenge, I decided I would join Shark in the sauna for some well deserved R&R. 

It was really quite warm in there (working well). I preferred it to be a little cooler, probably an age thing, but couldn’t remember whether adding water to the coals actually made it even hotter or would make it colder, and because Shark couldn’t either, and we were unable to ask Siri, as we were on a technology free afternoon, Shark decided to throw caution to the wind and added a couple of ladles full to the coals, resulting in her giving herself a free steam facial at the same time, and making not one bit of difference to the temperature. 

After not very long, I decided we were not cut out for that kind of heat after all, and decided that rather than melt, I preferred the less hot café. Shark was hoping for a relaxing moment to people watch and enjoy the peace, but was unable to find it, as I was far too "fidgety and annoying." She decided that she would come with me back to the cafe after I reminded her of the 'full Lido experience' we had promised ourselves included more coffee and edible treats. On the way out, completely by accident, Shark fortuitously discovered some cold showers, and because we were going to be doing a Channel Relay next year, she felt that this would be an excellent way to acclimatise, and that we should make the most of the opportunity. I agreed, and selflessly suggested that because this was her (LARGE) birthday treat, as well as her suggestion, she should go first and ‘test the water’ as it were. A seriously terrible attempt at negotiating under the bucket ensued, until she decided to end any further discussions by pulling the chain and drenching us both in freezing water.

2 deliberate and 1 very unexpected deluge later we realised that it was getting nearer to dinner time, and because I was ruled by stomach, and as Shark would vouch safe, that if I wasn’t fed regularly I got a little grumpy, we decided it best to head for the showers. On seeing the mess we’d made, Shark left rather swiftly to "go and sort us some towels" whilst I was left to squeegee up the excessive water we managed to get absolutely everywhere because the Mrs Hinch in me would not allow me to leave it. Several long minutes later, whist Sharks hit the showers, I was still cleaning up, feeling a little like Cinderella to be honest! 

After making the most of the complementary facilities in the boudoir (which made a lovely change from the usual lack of facilities when open water swimming), we headed for the restaurant, and a post swim feast, including some celebratory drinks and yet more amazing sweet treats. I was struck yet again at what a lovely, special place this was, not only did it have my favourite thing ever - a cappuccino with a coffee rating of 10/10, and the adage of a great outdoor swimming pool too, but a warm and welcoming feel about it. I honestly didn't want to leave and go back to the hotel  - and our room without a view!

Just not quite ready to give up my wetsuit...

To be honest, I wasn't feeling all that optimistic driving to the lake that the water temperature would be all that warm. The thermometer in my car was reading the air temperature at just 7oc, and whilst swim buddy and I had made the joint decision, to swim skins this season for as long as we could endure, I had packed my wetsuit -  just in case the new Beast from the East decided to make an unexpected early appearance. 

As good fortune would have it, the Beast didn't arrive unseasonably early, but despite this, I decided that since I had taken the trouble to pack my wetsuit in the first place, that I would wear it anyway, and I felt that swim buddy would probably be cross if I were to miss our next swim together on account of me catching a bit of a chill. AND swim buddy was on holiday anyway, somewhere nearer the equator where the sun shone and the water was warm, and wetsuits were absolutely not needed... and as she wasn't there, she would never know I had broken our pinky promise quite so early into the winter season!

Although cold, it was a beautiful day. The sky was clear all bar the one solitary (small) cloud and what looked like a kettle of vultures swarming overhead. I was reliably informed by Mike that they were in fact just some fat geese that looked a little indecisive as to whether to land or not. I hoped not! I had no idea who was right, but as I suspected that Mike was probably more of an ornithologist than I was, decided it must be him.

Ready to go, I headed for the shoreline which unfortunately was shrouded in a bit of a sea fret, along with all of the lake. This did not phase me, in fact, I was delighted because I knew that this meant one thing - the temperature in the lake was warmer than the air temperature! And yet even though I knew that the water was actually not so cold at 16.5oc, I decided that taking my wetsuit off again after the onerous struggle it took to get the damn thing on in the first place, was asking a lot. The extra flexibility required to get in off again would no doubt sap me of any remaining energy I had left from putting it on in the first place. Energy that would be better spent swimming for example!

Despite being ready, by the time I had faffed about, caught up with my swim family, tried to (unsuccessfully) talk them into being part of a Channel Relay team and ate two slices of flapjack, the mist had lifted and the overweight geese had left. I entered the lake as carefully as I could, but still managed to trip over my own toe and being unable to style it out, scrambled to stay upright, and instead sank into the lake sideways, dislodging my goggles and making a complete twit of myself (and not for the first time). 

I swam on without looking back (I was completely mortified, despite this being a very typical lake entry of mine), but after only 2 laps I was contemplating getting out, for no reason in particular other than my goggles just kept fogged up, and was fed up of stopping to decipher whether it was that the goggles needed sorting, or to check that it wasn't the sea fret returning. In fact, they were fogging so badly that the only reason I knew I had actually finished was when I hit the final buoy with my arm!

I looked at my watch, and despite the accurate finish on my last lap, my watch revealed that I had actually managed to swim 1,789 metres of a 1,600 metre course, and I still needed to swim 2 more laps. As luck would have it, as I finished my second lap, and de-fogged my goggles for the gazillionth time, I noticed Bake Off Chris was in the water, and by mutual agreement we decided to swim a 'steady' lap, and set off at a nice comfortable pace. 200 metres on, and Chris suddenly sprinted ahead. Confused, and because I couldn't rule out the fact that he could be sprinting away from a giant, leg eating fish, I followed him. I realised quite quickly that I would be unable to keep up, and decided that I would use the excuse of my fogged goggles to stop and catch my breath, despite the possibility of it meaning I could encounter whatever it was that he may have been swimming away from... As I rolled onto my back and lifted my goggles, it was then that I noticed a familiar sight swimming towards me... It was either BakeOff Chris's doppelgänger, or the real Bake Off Chris?!? Without the goggle fog, I realised that I hadn't been chasing after Chris as he wind sprinted round the lake, but an imposter, who, as it turned out, also happened to be one of the elite athletes that also swam in the lake. I was really relieved, and thought it appropriate to give myself a pat on the back for keeping up with him for all of 2 seconds (max). It was sometimes the little things (or short in this case)!

The final lap I decided that I would up my pace again, absolutely not the (very brief) olympic pace of the last one, but I did want to see what time I could get for a lap. All was going well, and I even managed to up my pace further after seeing something that I initially thought looked very crocodile shaped, but turned out to be a large twig. As I approached the far end of the lake and the buoy on the corner, I noticed a group of swimmers next to it. Because I was timing myself, and because based on the previous imprecise 2 laps which clearly highlighted that I clearly had accuracy problems, I decided that to go round the outside of them would probably add a lot of time, and so decided to go round the inside of the buoy, after all, this wasn't technically a race, and it also wasn't technically illegal, so couldn't be disqualified or arrested for it. I figured that the worst that could happen was that Leon would frown at me, and as it was at the far end of the lake full of other swimmers, the chances of me getting away with it, I felt, were extremely high. 

Decision made, I made my (non-illegal) move, and just when I thought I'd got away with it, I heard a voice I would recognise anywhere (my Coach) yelling to me. I responded by waving mid stroke, but carried on, hoping that despite the many, many hours of coaching and stroke analysis, he had suddenly developed a bout of amnesia and wouldn't recognise it as me. 

I swam on, thinking I'd managed it, but I could have been no more than 20 strokes on, when I felt something grab my ankle. This was the moment that I think it was safe to say, that in a surprise ambush/attack situation, despite all the multiple practice response runs I had ever done in my head, I discovered I would be 100% utterly useless! 

I responded to the attack by calmly, but firmly kicking away my attacker, whilst calling for help at the top of my voice, alerting others to my plight and warning them all of the danger, after which I was hailed a hero and received many a pat on the back for my quick thinking and bravery -  is what I would liked to have told you happened, but sadly that would be a big fat lie. What actually happened was that first of all I attempted to stop my watch (crucial survival stuff), and then yelling a lots of words that did not complete a sentence, but included lots of long sweary words, whilst going into complete panic mode and instead of kicking off my attacker, I decided to make a swim for it, hoping that it would either naturally dislodge or decide that I was not worth the effort, and instead choose to eat the several swimmers next to the buoy I had just passed, including Coach! 

Several strokes on, and the vice like grip on my ankle was still there, and I wasn't actually moving. I realised that it was all pointless, and quite exhausting trying to resist it any longer, and so just stopped to face my aquatic assailant, bracing myself I turned to find Jane firmly attached to my ankle. Not the crocodile, or vulture, nemeses swan, lake shark, or worse - Coach, that I was expecting it to be. She had been swimming round with coach and wanted a chat. I was so relieved it was her rather than any of the aforementioned, that I almost hugged her, before realising that enthusiastic hugging in a lake could be dangerous, before remembering that she had actually frightened the living daylights out of me in the first place and didn't actually deserve one!

Once I had pulled myself together (stopped hyperventilating), and had a quick chat with Coach and Jane, I set off again. I went to restart my watch, only to find that in all the frenzy I hadn't turned it off after all, and my minutes/100m time was approaching the 4 minute mark, and there was also no recording of the first half of the swim at all, which incidentally, would probably have been the fastest one I had ever recorded - goes without saying, and so I made the decision to swim slowly back to the shoreline as nothing good had come so far from rushing. 

Thankfully, apart from a leaf landing on me, the remainder of the last lap was event free. I got out to find Karen at the ready wanting a photo of us getting out of the lake. After a lot of minutes finding the perfect photo where we both didn't look either exhausted from the swim (me) or non-athletic (me again - because I was not, and never would be an athlete) I finally remembered that a photo of me in a wetsuit was rather incriminating, as I was supposed to be in skins... I wasn't entirely confident at that moment that I would get away with it after all!



Once again, thanks for reading, and for more regular updates on my swimming shenanigans, please follow me on social media. Just look for Open Water Woman.

Also, you can also find me on YouTube as Open Water Woman, where I do regular vlogs about my swims.  

21 miles that is 2 Way Windermere - DONE!

All the training was done, and if Coach was to be believed, I was ready. I’d put the hours in, done sufficient carbing up (mostly of the cake variety), looked after myself (basically refused to do any housework for the past two weeks for fear of a household appliance related injury) and my feeding plan had been, well... planned really. I had bought several spare goggles (three), swimming costume and a box of surgical gloves as well as an entire week’s shopping budget on celebratory cake for afterwards.

Unfortunately, on the drive up to the Lakes, I received the news that Coach couldn’t join me for the swim, even though I needed him on the boat to remind me to think about my left arm when I was tired, and to watch my hand entry, and to count my stroke rate, basically, I thought it was pretty much going to be a fourteen hour coached swimming lesson! Coach assured me that his replacement would do an equally good job, and him not being there in person would not affect my swimming at all. Immediately after, in panic I called Shark and told her that unless she broke a limb she absolutely had to still be there on the boat… and even if she did break one, she had to at least try and make it. 

The two hour drive up to the Lakes had been a mixture of light and heavy, thundery downpours. The horrid weather had been a concern all week. I had pretty much checked at least four times daily in the week leading up to it hoping that the weather would take a turn for the better. I had several weather Apps on the go and the plan was to look at them all and go with the most favourable, but they all told the same story. Heavy rain and thunder every day, with the exception of Monday. The day of my swim, however as the day neared, this changed from cloudy to sunny to rainy and back again, and because when I set off all the Apps forecast rain for the day, I didn’t bother to pack any suntan lotion. I wouldn’t mind, but I had bought some reef-friendly stuff too – especially (not that there are any reefs in Lake Windermere that I knew of). 

Inclement and indecisive weather conditions.

Fingers crossed!

The night before the swim I laid out all of the things I needed for on the boat, and checked I had all my multiple spares. There was a lot, and because I had been told that room on the boat was tight, had to squish them all into one bag because there was absolutely no room whatsoever in my other one. That was full of food because regardless of my very carefully planned feeding plan, I had packed multiple extras of everything in there too!

I was woken early on the morning of the swim by my alarm. I was both surprised (it made me jump) and delighted. I hadn’t expected to get a wink of sleep. I was meeting the boat at Fell Foot at seven AM, and wanted to have a hearty breakfast before I started. I decided against having the bacon and egg sandwich that I had originally planned, on the back of the fact that the previous night I had been cooking pasta carbonara, which incidentally was not the best idea I had had, on account that my daughter’s boyfriend’s mum was Italian, and as my carbonara was average at best, it would never compare. And in true form, I underestimated the heat of the grill (easily done in an unfamiliar kitchen), and managed to burn the pancetta, and nearly the whole of the apartment block down in the process! All of the fire alarms went off and alerted everyone in the near vicinity of my ‘a bit sh*t’ cooking skills. It was decided by unanimous decision that I should absolutely NOT cook bacon for breakfast. I agreed. 

After I had made my sandwiches for the swim, prepared my hot Ribena and re- emptied my bag to check for the hundredth time that I had everything, including my spare of everything, and my spare spare. I was ready. I met Shark outside, where I found her wet weather appropriately dressed, and carrying three bags. Three! I reminded her that room on the boat was tight, and actually, what did she need three bags for? She pulled out a pair of fishing waders, an Aron jumper and two books, one entitled The Compete Guide to knots and the other Intrepid Voyages out of one, and in the other two she had enough food to sustain a family of five for the day, a packet of blister plasters, a huge tub of Vaseline, some surgical gloves, spare Fat Rascals, a humongous phone charger and some welly socks. All essential stuff for several hours on a boat. I did noticed the absence of a special blue bucket or a Portaloo, but knew that because she usually couldn’t go from my house to hers without needing to go, which was only a fifteen minute drive, and she was as organised as I was, that she would have the whole ‘how to go to the toilet on a small boat, whilst in the middle of a lake’ thing covered, even if I couldn’t see any obvious evidence of it. Shark also announced earlier in the week that she had been known to suffer from a bit of motion sickness, like on every journey over an hour! She assured me she had it covered with medication, an anti-sickness wrist band, some ginger ale and had been practicing some breathing techniques having ruled out the possibility of being able to have a lie down on the small boat with two other people and several large bags taking up all the spare room. I just requested that if she were to ACTUALLY be sick that she could be considerate and do it on the opposite side to where I was swimming. 

We arrived lakeside at seven in the morning to beautiful sunshine, and I realised that not bringing the suntan lotion would mean that I was going to end up with possibly burnt hands and face. Rookie error! Lake Windermere was a millpond. There was not a ripple to be seen. It was going to be a beautiful (sunny) day after all, all day according to my Apps. I had checked twice already today. I handed my bags to the crew on the boat and got ready. I had my safety briefing, whilst at the same time being slathered in a ton of Vaseline and being shoehorned into my wetsuit, before I was good to go. This was it. Twenty-one miles to go!

One safety briefing later, I'm ready
Leon is absolutely not pushing me in on this pic!

Family and friends had come to wave me off and cheer me on. I managed to successfully get down the slipway (or the walkway bit next to it) and in without breaking my neck or tripping. So far so good, and after several very enthusiastic waves and an unexpected mouthful of lake water, I was off. It was a minute or two in, when the penny dropped that I had a good fourteen hours of swimming still ahead of me still, and suddenly it felt very overwhelming. I wondered whether now would be too late to reconsider or have second thoughts, but decided on the back of the fact that to take my wetsuit off now would be exceptionally messy, that it was!

I set off at a steady pace, enjoying how tranquil it was. It felt like we were the only people on the lake. Shark pointed out to me that there was a row of feathers almost guiding the way, which made me smile, before Mike (skipper) informed us of the cheery reality that there would probably be a featherless dead bird somewhere nearby, as there was an awful lot in one place, ruining what was otherwise a lovely moment. 

Perfect start!

I had asked family and friends for good luck and encouraging messages before the swim for Shark to read out to me at each feed, and it was lovely to hear them, especially the one from my brother, which really made me laugh and also made me choke on my drink. I had no idea whether this was his intention, but when we were younger I know it absolutely would have been! Unbeknown to me Shark had also contacted several other people that I knew nothing about, and so when she read out one from Jaffa Cakes, I was beside myself. They added in their message that I should imagine all the Jaffa Cakes waiting for me at the end, and I understood this as they would be getting a full truck load – all for me- sent up to the Lake District for my finish, and as a direct result of this, put my back into it a bit more, after all, could there be a better incentive to finish quickly? 

The water was mostly calm for the first half, except when the ferries passed. I had taken the time to stop and tread water a few times to enjoy the views, watch some of the military aircraft that went over, hoping they were actually part of the Red Arrows display (they weren’t) oh, and to swallow the feather I accidentally breathed in! At around half way, I had to stop to wait for the cross ferry to pass because basically, it would have been really careless of me to be unable to finish the swim because I had swum into the rather large boat. Instead I used this opportunity to feed, to listen to some feedback from Coach (on the phone) and to wave frantically to my family and friends were on the shore line having repositioned themselves further up the lake, and as it turned out (I found out afterwards), in someone’s lakeside front garden, I suspected, but couldn’t be sure, that they was not entirely there by invite, but I was so happy to see them and was prepared to overlook their possible trespass.

Me - sticking to front crawl!

As I had time on my hands, and because they had taken the time to come and cheer me on, I decided to treat them and to use the opportunity to show them I was more than just front crawl, by performing a little swim medley whilst I waited for the ferry to pass, unfortunately, after one stroke of butterfly I realised that I actually hadn’t done butterfly in well over thirty five years, back when I was young and agile, and I also remembered that despite being young and agile, I wasn’t all that great at it back then either! I quickly rethought the medley idea in favour of sticking to a hundred percent front crawl to avoid injury or humiliation, or possibly both!

As part of my swim plan, I had decided that I would have two paracetamol every four hours and one ibuprofen every four hours (in short, I am hypermobile, and because of this on long swims I get really stiff and am prone to joint pain). Taking painkillers just took the edge off and allowed me to continue pain free. Keeping a log of when I had had them, and giving it to me was yet another one of Shark’s jobs at the relevant feed stops. All very straight forwards you would think, and yet between us, and I couldn’t tell you who was at fault, somehow we managed to drop one of the tablets down the front of my exceptionally tight wetsuit. It was a complete mystery as to how we managed it, but rummaging around the front of my highly Vaselined wetsuit to try and find it, was not on the cards, and so by mutual decision we left it (found partially melted at the end of the swim rather randomly near my left hip?!?!).

The need for Shark to have to furtle down the front of my wetsuit came soon enough though. Throughout my training I had struggled with chafing on my neck, I’d even bought a new wetsuit in the hopes that it would stop rubbing, however I knew that swimming for this length of time I was unlikely to come away unscathed and so needed to come up with an anti-chafing swim plan to prevent my neck from becoming really sore and sparing myself the quizzical glances that came with having a very red and dubious looking mark on my neck… There were times during training I also had problems with chafing under my right arm, and in the interest of prevention, required as much attention as my neck did. Unfortunately for Shark, during this swim, this would require some quite acrobatic maneuverers to ensure that she hit the right spot. This was achieved by a combination of some quite impressive gymnastic moves (on my part), and also required her to become a contortionist, whilst not capsizing the boat or drowning me at the same time. She reminded me that it wasn’t ideal attempting to shove her (surgical gloved) Vaselined hand down the front of my wetsuit, and nor was it a job she realised would be bestowed on her when she offered to come with me, and in truth, I may have negated to tell her for fear that she may say absolutely no way... I know I would have! Unfortunately though, it was far too late in the day to think of retracting her offer, and so I informed her it was no picnic for me either AND, in an attempt to Top Trump her, I reminded her that I was swimming a very long way too!

All of the boat crew (Angela, Mike, Joe and Jonty) were first aid trained, and Shark was also a nurse, so I well and truly had any medical emergency covered by some highly qualified folks. Throughout the whole swim, the team in the boat were constantly checking for signs that all was not well with me. These included some basic questions that I would have no trouble answering (thank goodness there were no maths ones in there, they would have been hauling me out for the wrong reasons!), as well as other checks, things like my stroke rate and coordination. The tablet down the wetsuit was a fine example of lack of coordination however, I was prepared to contest this, and in fact, just blame Shark entirely if necessary!

Throughout the swim so far, I had diligently followed my feeding plan, which had been carefully put together based on nutritional know how (absolutely none of which was mine) and many, many trials. This was all but the last one on the first leg, when I decided that I didn’t like drinking 250ml of lemon and lime flavoured electrolyte anymore, in fact at this point even 1ml was a ml too many. I had instructed Shark to ignore me if I decided against something that was on the carefully compiled, tried and tested food and drinks list and insist that I eat or drink it ignoring any argument I put forwards (goes without saying that this did not include throwing up because of it), by any means necessary, something I regretted saying once I had made the decision I didn’t want the drink ever again. I can confirm that she did ignore me. She held her own very well and informed me that the boat would be going nowhere until I had drunk it and that she would cheerfully throw it down my neck considering it firmly in the ‘by any means necessary’ category if I didn’t drink it. She raised an eyebrow expecting me to challenge her, but despite me deciding that I never ever wanted to drink lemon and lime flavoured stuff ever again, drank it, after all, that was why I had a feeding plan!

After this feed, I noticed that Mike had put on his Swimzi and was putting on some gloves. As a child, my dad only ever put on driving gloves for one reason. Atrocious weather conditions. I prepared myself for the worst, however the sun still shone, and I could see no sign of imminent rain, thunder, snow or ice, it had just become a little choppier, which unfortunately slowed my pace down somewhat. According to Shark, that coat had become a very welcome wind break. I was unaware that the wind had picked up that much, but it would explain the more stately pace I was now swimming at. 

Despite the slow pace, thanks to the headwind, and possibly tired arms, finally we were approaching Low Wood Bay, at which point I knew there was about an hour to go until we reached Ambleside and the halfway mark. I was especially looking forward to this because I had promised myself that this feed, because it marked the half way point, that I would celebrate with some (lots of) Jaffa Cakes AND because, as my family had told me they were decamping to the pub and jetty at Ambleside, where they would bring me a well deserved, and very welcome cappuccino (made with skimmed milk though… full fat milk and I were not compatible horizontally my trials uncovered), and I was very excited about that. 

After seven hours I finally arrived at Ambleside. The second half of the first half had been a little choppier, and we had lost some time. I stopped next to the jetty whilst they swapped the crew and refuelled. This feed was to be one of my favourites so far, (probably a packet of) Jaffa Cakes and a cappuccino. As everyone knew that I absolutely loved Jaffa Cakes, I expected to be handed the whole packet and be left to it, after all, I could wolf one (packet) down in minutes. My friend Helen was put in charge of feed for this stop, and handed me a single, solitary Jaffa Cake. One! Fortunately for me, Shark was on hand and explained that I was best just being given them all, for fear that I may become quite grumpy on the back of it. And she did, however I realised that eating every single one out of the packet, as tempting as it was, would not necessarily be the best idea, and so reluctantly handed back the packet after I’d eaten a respectable six. 

No sooner had I finished eating, when Leon came over to tell me that at the current pace, it would be dark when I finished, and therefore needed to up my pace for this next half. He informed me that I would have the wind with me for the first half, and to make the most of it. He also informed me that the boat was ready, and I had to go. I had no questions for him, other than enquiring as to the location of my coffee. Shark yelled that it was on the boat, and I realised at this point that there would be little hope of me having it anything other than luke warm at best at the next feed stop.

As the second part of the swim progressed it became obvious that the precision that I very often showed, in fact prided myself on, during training swims had disappeared. Usually I was able to swim to a buoy with such precision that I usually hit it with one of several body parts, usually my hand or head or face, which I think was a testament to my pinpoint accuracy, however today I seemed unable to master it. After several frustrating miles, I finally realised that bilateral breathing wasn’t working for me, and resorted to breathing only to my left every four strokes. Sadly, this meant that my view was only ever the side of the boat rather than the spectacular scenery, but be that as it may, staying close to the boat really mattered today, for safety reasons, so I didn’t veer off course and so I didn’t lose them as the sky darkened, also so I didn’t swim even a metre more than I needed to. This swim was long enough as it was!

Overtaking one of several yachts (all stationary)!

Again, the first half I was swimming faster than ever. It was the thought of not being able to complete it because it was dark that was at the forefront of my mind, however as we passed the ferry for the final leg, the wind turned against us again, and I found myself once again with a headwind. It wasn’t the end of the world, and conditions were actually okay, if a bit choppier, but it wasn’t what I needed when I was already really tired and just wanted to finish the swim, preferably where I could actually see the finish.

With a couple of hours left the night really began to draw in. I noticed Shark and Jonty looking skywards and pointing. This was it. Finally, the Red arrows had arrived, and whilst I would have imagined that dusk was not the best time for their audience (me) to appreciate and enjoy the display fully, because basically I couldn’t see. Nonetheless, better late than never, and so in order to have the best view I decided on a stint of backstroke, but yet when I looked I couldn’t see anything red, or moving at a fast speed, or any formation smoke or anything else for that matter. The only thing in the sky was some clouds. Bemused, I stopped swimming and gave Shark a quizzical look. She again pointed to the sky and said “that cloud looks like a horse. How cool is that?” Absolutely NOT what I was expecting. I told her that I expected it to be the Red Arrows fly over I wanted with the amount of attention they had given it. Shark told me that she felt that I would be better putting the thought of them arriving out of my mind because despite her best efforts (an e-mail) she was still waiting for a response from them! She went back to cloud watching whilst I swam on. I blame Jonty for this new fascination with cloud formations. Shark has never showed signs of interestedness before. 

With an hour and a half to go the boat abruptly stopped. Either that was the fastest hour I had ever swum, and I won’t lie, for a second I was absolutely delighted, or more than likely something was amiss. I stopped and Shark leaned over the side of the boat, nearly causing it to capsize on top of me, and practically rammed a gel and several Jelly Babies down my throat. She then handed me a drink and went on to explain that she had received a phone call from Leon informing her that lightning had been seen in the distance inland, and that if it came over the lake, he would pull the swim. Shark had been instructed to tell me that I needed to swim on as fast as I could to avoid this. I nodded, but wasn’t entirely sure how fast fast actually was after swimming for over twelve hours already, but knowing that there was absolutely no way I could let a storm prevent me from finishing, I garnered some strength from somewhere (probably the excess sugar) and pressed on. 

That last hour and a half was by far the toughest, and not just because I was swimming on some very tired arms, but I just kept thinking what if it meant I couldn’t finish, before realising that those kind of thoughts were not healthy or actually helpful. I had not just swum nineteen miles to be told that I couldn’t swim the last two. I was not letting my friend, or the charity down, and so at a speed not too much slower than Michael Phelps, I swam on. It was quite an impressive pace I might add, which in the interest of honesty, may have also been because the water had become quite inky and as I was not a lover of swimming in the dark because I didn’t like surprises, and if I were going to be swam into, get eaten or pecked, I’d rather at the very least be able to have an even playing field as it were and be able to see it coming and get ready to put up a good fight (not that I would actually know what to do in such circumstances other than flee). It was safe to say, that the dark definitely contributed quite a lot to the quickened pace.

I knew I was nearly there when finally, after an hour and a half of exhausting arm turning, I was told that I needed to swim between two boats and towards the jetty. I couldn’t actually see the jetty in the dark, but was helped to swim myself the right way by my daughter yelling “land ahoy!” very loudly. I could also hear a lot of cheers, yells and noise which I followed until I could actually see the jetty (I was really close), and after some direction from Leon, who was standing on the edge, finally my knee felt land. In a flourish I stood up, and very unlike me, sort of punched the air. I couldn’t be altogether sure whether this was because I had done it, or because I had managed to do the almost impossible - standing up without keeling over or falling over sideways! Unaided, I hauled myself out of the water and onto the side of the slipway where it all began fourteen hours earlier. 

I was greeted with cheers, rather forceful pat on the backs, an air born lift and multiple cuddles. A DryRobe was thrown over me, and my initial thought was that rather than it being put on me to keep me warm, I was instead being kidnapped. It was immediately followed by an embrace by a rather excited Karen, who proceeded to squeeze what was left of the life out of me as I struggled to breath! On the phone my mum was crying, and my oldest friend Nicki was on FaceTime cheering. One of my friends, Helen, had made a huge banner that said, ‘Windermere Done!’ And I was presented with a very lovely trophy (my first ever), a certificate and a medal... that I have taken to wearing on a daily basis ever since!

Pride of place on my mantelpiece.

Celebrating with coffee and Fat Rascals.

And, FYI - the truck load of Jaffa Cakes? Unfortunately, I am still waiting for it to arrive, but I live in hope, and in the meantime, I shall continue to keep the local Jaffa Cake economy afloat with my multiple and many purchases!

Finally, not only did swim the 21 miles that is 2 Way Windermere, I also fulfilled a promise to my dying friend to raise money for the hospice that took care of her. Last count it was £4,054, something of which I am most proud of. 

2 Way Windermere included the following:

Fish sighting- 0

Swans- 0 (not even nemesis)
Skein of geese- 2

Eurofighters- 7

Helicopters- 4

Unidentified flying things (NOT UFO’s)- 2

Red Arrows- 0

Rainbows- 1

Feathers – 100’s

Dead, featherless birds – 0

Once again, thanks for reading, and for more regular updates on my swimming shenanigans, please follow me on social media. Just look for Open Water Woman.

Also, you can also find me on YouTube as Open Water Woman, where I do regular vlogs about my swims.  

2 Weeks to 2 Way Windermere

With two weeks to go until Two Way Windermere, and an e-mail from Coach asked that I do two things.


1) Look after myself and stay well for the next two weeks.
2) Follow the training plan to the letter and do NOT over train.

Unfortunately, neither happened because the following morning I woke up feeling decidedly under the weather. I couldn't believe it. I'd been training for this swim since October of last year, and I had been so careful about staying healthy. I'd even given up sugar (yes, including my beloved Jaffa Cakes, and believe me, no-one was more shocked than I) and had been researching and trialing the best foods for my swim. The foods that would (hopefully) sustain me through my training and also throughout my swim. I had taken a Berocca daily, along with multivitamins and probiotics and some special vitamins that women of a certain age would find beneficial, I had invested in sports massages, monthly physio and an odd, very welcome medicinal (loosely, okay, not medical at all), sauna session. I couldn't believe that after all this time I was coming down with something. I missed training, on account that I couldn't be altogether a hundred percent certain that I wouldn't throw up in the pool, and whilst I myself have swum through some unidentifiable things, I could not bring myself to go and inflict the possibility on someone else. So instead I took to the sofa for a day of educational daytime television and an extended Nanna nap.  My family suggested that I heading to bed for an early night "just in case I was highly contagious," and I agreed, so left them to it, but not before I ensured they had listened to my comprehensive  'how to heat up a lasagne' instructions, and put some salad leaves into a bowl, before I headed up. The following morning I found several pizza boxes in the recycling, and the lasagne still in the fridge, proving how resourceful they actually were, and the silver lining was that I didn't need to think about cooking anything the following day!

I woke feeling a lot better, but decided I wouldn't go for a swim, better to be safe than sorry I thought,  and give it another day. Instead I spent the day writing a very long list of what I needed to take to Windermere for the swim, and then doubled the quantities. I then took a trip to the supermarket to spend lots and lots on all of the food I had written down! I honestly hadn't realised how much I had, and feeling slightly panicked that I may have to have a food cull due to its combined weight threatening the integrity of the support boat, I thought it best to check with Leon that there wasn't any kind of weight restriction in place! He said I should be fine, but did remind me that it was also not a cruise liner and that space was limited. He also pointed out that I would not need to pack anywhere near as many as the four boxes of Jaffa cakes that I planned to take. I told him I would rather forfeit any and all other food than risk running out. I also suggested that if the boat were to start taking on water, for any reason, that he should consider throwing other things overboard first. Obviously I meant 'stuff' and not people, but the Jaffa Cakes needed to stay dry!

The training plan did have on it one more final long swim at the lake, which was four hours long. A maintenance swim I'd done it many times before, but for this swim particular I had planned on trialling several chocolate bars and chocolate brownies, and of course I needed to re-trial the Jaffa cakes .. again! With it being my last long swim and all, it was my last chance, and I had been saving these as a treat.

I arrived at the lake to grey skies. I was used to swimming in the cold and the rain and the wind by now and basically, some not very pleasant conditions, so wasn't too bothered by them. My weather App informed me that it would be wet, but warm. I'd swum in worse, so continued to put my wetsuit on without worrying about the conditions. I was so busy getting ready that I hadn't noticed that the safety boat was not on the waters edge, and nor was Leon, or anyone else for that matter, in fact, there was absolutely nobody anywhere to be seen at all. I found Leon instead sitting under the cover of the cafe. As I approached him, there was a huge clap of thunder, meaning that I couldn't get into the lake now for another hour, and so rather than moping about, we sat watching the torrential rain, whilst drinking coffee and scoffing a good majority of the chocolate bars I had brought of the swim. Another hour, and another clap of thunder, and yet another coffee and this time the chocolate brownies, as we waited yet another hour. By this time other swimmers had begun to arrive, and Fiona, whose day job was as a sports masseur. Fiona had arrived with her (massage) bed and, as I had another hour to kill, offered to give me a massage. I was torn, I mean the choice between a massage or another coffee sitting waiting for the rain to clear... It was close, but as I was already more than caffeinated enough and had eaten my way through several too many chocolate treats, but what really swung it was that I was not prepared to share my Jaffa cakes with anyone, and that was all that I had left in my bag, and so the massage won... although there was a very high possibility that it wouldn't be as relaxing as I would have liked, as I wouldn't be able to lie still for any great length of time on the back of the amount of caffeine I had spent the last two hours drinking!

Very atmospheric, but not swimmable...

With three hours gone, finally we were allowed in, and as I was a little apprehensive, I allowed a couple of fellow swimmers to get in and 'test the water' first as it were, before I got in myself. Don't judge me. I had an important swim to do, and being electrocuted by lightning just before would seriously scupper my chances of getting it done! Suffice to say, the four hours swim didn't get done, on account that there weren't four hours of daylight left, but on the plus side, I had a lovely two hours chatting and catching up with Leon, ate most of the food I had planned to swim mid-swim and got myself a lovely massage, albeit in my wetsuit with an audience of about thirty people that were also waiting to go for a swim! 

Once again, thanks for reading, and for more regular updates on my swimming shenanigans, please follow me on social media. Just look for Open Water Woman.

Also, you can also find me on YouTube as Open Water Woman, where I do regular vlogs about my swims.  

Three weeks until Two Way Windermere; two weeks to tapering (yay).

With only three weeks to go until Two Way Windermere I admit I was ready to start tapering. I was permanently tired, permanently hungry and some might say (although not to my face...) permanently grumpy. I had been training hard, and non-stop, and I was ready for a rest, and I wasn't talking the odd day, but a few consecutive days.

But before tapering could start I had one more week of training to go, starting with a 10k swim in the pool. And this was how crazy training had become, a steady 10k swim had become a normal swim for a Monday morning, which was crazy! This Monday was different though. Coach had sent me this week's training plan, which still included the 10k swim, but it would be all in sprint sets. I admit, I felt a little out of my confirm zone once again. It had been an age since I had done any type of lengthy, fast pace, and I was not looking forward to the whole lung combusting experience that would accompany it. Coach also asked that I wear a heart rate monitor during this week. I informed him that there would be no need because I could just tell him what it was, as I would most definitely be able to hear my heart pounding in my head, to which he told me he preferred a more accurate reading. He reminded me that he had seen what a cock up I could make from doing even the shortest of swims as basic counting skills up to the dizzying heights of four went out of the window... Heart rate monitor it was then!

Swim set done, and accurate heart rate recording completed, and despite it hurting - a lot, I really enjoyed it. One of the things that got me through was the thought of how lovely the following day would be. An actual rest day. Twenty-four whole hours that I planned to do absolutely sod all, apart from watch Killing Eve on catch up from my sofa, whilst eating lots of cake (carb loading obvs). This happy thought kept me going throughout the training swim, but it was very short lived because whilst I had been swimming Coach had sent me through a revised training plan that included another lengthy set of sprints sets for the following day - my rest day. I assumed he had made a mistake, however was reliably informed (by Coach) that it was just a slight change to the program and I would get my rest day... but not yet.

In addition to this, he had planned for me to do a four hour lake swim the day after that, which sadly ended up being three and a half, and this was the bit where I would like to gloss over the reason for this, but in short, there was a road closure, and I decided that I knew a far better, and quicker way there than the way the diversion signs said. This turned out to not be the case, and found myself not where I expected to be, which was several miles away from the lake! One panicked phone call to Coach for directions that would actually get me to the lake, and I was on my way again, albeit later than planned. I wouldn't mind but this was the first warm and sunny day I had had in all of the months I had been training there and was keen to enjoy the unusually summery conditions. Sod's law!

Once again I had packed a huge bag of food. There were still some foods that I hadn't yet, but was wanting to trial. I was keen to try some cheese spread seeing as though cheese and I were not compatible whilst I was horizontal. I had read that in terms of energy that fat gave more than twice as much as glycogen and carbohydrates, and wanted to include some in my feeding plan (1g of glycogen and carbohydrates provides 4 calories, whereas 1g of fat provides 9 calories when converting to energy), and just in case that didn't pan out so well, like the cheese and also one nasty protein bar, I had also packed some flapjack, Jaffa cakes (obvs), two bananas, and despite the lake being over twenty two degrees, a flask of hot Ribena... Just in case the heat wave decided to abruptly finish mid swim.

After the first hour I got out to eat some of the cheese spread sandwich. I didn't want to eat too much because if I was anything like the cheese, it wouldn't be long before I saw it again! At this point, Coach joined me in the lake for a catch up/lesson/advice/discussion. We swam for a short time whilst he checked my swimming, and then combined breaststroke with floating to talk about the plans for Windermere. I was glad about the little swimming part we did because I was experiencing a familiar nauseous feeling, and worried that if we began swimming at all I would throw up. Possibly over him, which would not only be the height of bad manners, but also very alarming!

I was pleased to see at the end of this very slow lap that Shark had arrived - also later than she planned. She too had gone the wrong way at the diversion, and driven on several country roads, missing her planned pre-swim mid afternoon snack, and knowing I would have over packed as usual on the food front, was riffling through my bag for something. I offered her the remainder of the now obsolete cheese spread sandwich, which she ate, along with some flapjack and a banana. I was used to her helping herself, and I really didn't mind. The only food I was exceptionable protective of, and would probably resort to snatching back, was my beloved Jaffa Cakes, but I knew that she didn't like them (this was why we were such good friends. No danger of her expecting me to share them...). I reminded her as she tucked into some biscuits, that we were having post swim chips on the way home, but she informed me that as she would be swimming in skins she would be burning off all of the calories consumed out of my cool bag, and therefore deserved the sandwich, the flapjack, the banana and the biscuits as well as the chips!

Shark and I swam for another hour, only stopping twice as I tried to hold down the cheese spread sandwich whilst Shark waited for me... from a safe distance. I assumed that the reason she got out was because she had finished have swim rather than because she was worried about anything projectile happening. I didn't ask. I couldn't eat at my next stop - too risky, so swam on for another hour on my own alongside Stroppy Swan and lots and lots of Canadian Geese... I said alongside, what I meant was with a very large expanse of water between us, or what's also know as a respectable distance.

As soon as I was out, Coach and I had a further chat about tapering and what I would be doing the following week. This included one final pre-Windermere long sprint set swim set in the pool, and one five hour swim in the lake... a lot like this week really! I suddenly felt a mixture of emotions. On one hand I felt sad because after many, many hours circumnavigating that lake, I had ALMOST learned to relax a bit, despite the forty-seven pound resident pike, the Stroppy Swan, the wheel hub that frightened me every single time I swam past it (despite me knowing it was there) the lake snake (bit of rope on the bottom near the final buoy) and the scary, dark weedy bits! But on the other hand, I was also looking forward to some time where if I wasn't actually swimming, or thinking about swimming all of the time.

Respecting their personal space!

I had of course already planned what I will be doing with all of the spare time I would have because I wasn't swimming, or spending a lengthy amount of time in the shower with some industrial soap, scrubbing away at the chlorine, or hours untangling my hair. I would still go to the gym, but instead I would be in the sauna, or the jacuzzi, or the steam room or the cafe doing my 'tapering' there. Unfortunately though, I would also need to tidy my house, which has been in a sad state of neglect since probably February when my training increased. I told myself that there was more to life than cleaning, however the Monica in me was conflicted. I quickly decided that I wasn't all that excited about returning to 'normal' life, and began looking online for other swimming events that meant I was far too busy to be cleaning again!!!

As well as my blog, I have been busy writing for my new, yet with no title, book about my two way Windermere swim. I've also got more with the times and have been vlogging about my 2WW swim training, Here's the YouTube link.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcGjwT2ZHjUVgSkvkjgy2Dg

Once again, thanks for reading, and if you have enjoyed my blog, my book Open Water Woman Swims Windermere is available in paperback and electronically on Amazon. 

Here's the link:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Open-Water-Woman-Swims-Windermere/dp/1980614660/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1546178539&sr=8-1&keywords=open+water+woman+swims+windermere

4 hour lake swim (finally) DONE!

After two failed attempts at a four hour swim - the first, lasted only three long cold hours, before I called it a day and retreated to the warm showers, and my second was cut short (by two hours), thanks to my wetsuit, which for some unknown reason (I say unknown, but in reality, it could be thanks to my newly acquired fat neck that has appeared due to the excessive ‘carbing up’ I had been doing recently) had started to rub really badly on my neck, causing discomfort not dissimilar to that of how I imagine it to feel if a blunt razor were being run across it continuously for… let’s say two hours, anyway, I digress - I desperately needed to get this elusive four hour open water swim done in order to stay on track with my training plan, and today was going to be that day…

Leon (SwimYourSwim) had very kindly offered to support me, and in return to say thanks, I gave him one of my legendary sugar free cup-cakes. I didn’t reveal to him that it was sugar free, but I also bought him a huge cup of tea to help wash it down, and believe me, he was going to need every single drop of it! I had also packed one for myself in my massive food supply bag, but I knew that it was unlikely that I would eat it. Not on the back of the fact that I had so many other food to eat, but basically, because was horrid! 

We agreed to meet at three, and even I could work out that swimming until eight was actually five hours, however Leon, who clearly knew me far too well, told me he had added extra time for “faffing about” and “talking the hind legs off a donkey.” I would have been rather indignant at that, but he did have a point. That was exactly what I did, and forty-five minutes after I arrived, I finally got in (I would like to add here that Leon was fifty percent responsible for the talking side of things, and probably only ten of that was discussing strategy, food stops, and very important swimming stuff. The rest was spent discussing the merits of sugar free cupcakes (and as far as Leon knew, this was just a normal random conversation, rather than because he was eating one). This took us some time as we were struggling between us to find any to be honest, hence the length of time talking rather than swimming... 

As I got in, mindful of the many, many swans that lined the shoreline, it dawned on me that I would be the only swimmer in the lake for at least a couple of hours, which I admit made me very nervous. Leon reminded me that the only creatures in the lake were juvenile goldfish and a few sprats, and told me that the swans on this lake were absolutely NOT related to my nemesis swan at Windermere, and also that if I had a problem, he would be with me in the boat within a minute. I was marginally reassured, and knew that if I didn’t get into the lake soon, I would be in danger of not achieving four hours again. And this was absolutely not happening.

The first hour passed without incident, until I came in for my first feed. I was approaching the shoreline when I saw, very, very close up, the mother of all fishes. I was not sure who was more shocked, me or it, and in my haste to flee the scene, almost gave myself a hernia. A very inelegant, frantic exit followed, where I pretty much launched myself out of the lake at a hundred miles an hour. I was relieved that there was only Leon there. Leon oh, and several passers-by, who laughed at the commotion, whilst offering me no help whatsoever in my hour of need. I insisted on explaining to Leon, as I wolfed down my snack, how the fish looked, including length, markings, size of mouth, and deduced from my own extensive research, that it was definitely either a giant catfish or a crocodile. After an elaborate eye roll, Leon assured me that it was neither, and informed me that if it was a giant catfish it would be unlikely that there would be any birds on the lake, and probably not a lot in it either. I had read (to keep my research of aquatic livestock right up to date) that giant catfish had, in the past, been known to attack humans, but Leon also told me that for this to actually happen in the first place you had to be in the same lake as one, and also very unlucky… and as for it being a crocodile? He was ruling that out too based on the absence of any legs. He told me it was most definitely a pike I had seen, and after weighing up my odds, and as much as I was terrified of pike (and absolutely everything else in the water), I decided that I would much rather take my chances with the pike than the other two (and I really cannot believe I said that)!

As I set off again, I noticed that there were many swans on the lake, which on one hand put my mind at rest regarding the absence of any giant catfish, however despite feeling grateful to see them, was still very cautious around them and decided to continue to avoid any eye contact or do anything that they may consider confrontational (apart from being in the lake in the first place that was… ) but I did have a swim to complete, so I decided that I would avoid swimming anywhere near where they were, which meant going a little off course more than once when I had to swim around the inside of one of the buoys that the swans seemed intent on flocking to, and hovering around for no apparent reason whatsoever, aside from sheer devilment, I concluded. Going round the inside of a buoy was not illegal in any way, it was noticed though, and on my next stop Leon pointed out to me that there was no shortcuts when swimming Windermere… it was pretty much as the crow flies already, and although I told him I was not cutting corners to cheat, but rather because being at a swam beak height and all, I was at high risk of having my eyes pecked out, he countered that it would have been a valid one had I not been wearing goggles… 

I was swimming really well, I had found my rhythm, and felt relaxed (small wetsuit issue aside – not rubbing round the neck this time, but randomly under my right arm?!?). This was with the exception of one particular spot at the far end of the reservoir, at probably the furthest point away from Leon and the safety boat. This spot was where the rocks under the water just dropped away into what could only be described as an abyss. My overactive imagination had me believing that would be the exact point that if there was a megoladon in the lake, that was where it would appear, and so because of this, I decided that the best way to overcome these outlandish thoughts was to approach the aforementioned danger zone at my normal pace, and then swim like the clappers whilst doing heads up front crawl until I was in the deeper water. Heads up. Because If I were to be eaten by any such creature, then I’d rather be completely oblivious beforehand. Unfortunately it took me until I was on the thirteenth lap of thirteen to I realise that if I swam at a slightly different angle towards said area from the previous buoy, the water stayed too deep for me to see the bottom at all, thus avoiding the drop all together and an elevated heart and stroke rate… The only silver lining from this, was that Garmin informed me once I was out that I had broken the course record during this section of the lake thirteen times consecutively! 

The second hour also went without incident, if you excluded the ‘seeing a twig and swimming away from it at world record breaking speed’ episode and then once again as I was getting out to have some food, I once again saw a humongous fish on the shoreline. To be honest, at first I did think it was a crocodile, as it was, well crocodile coloured, and once again nearly broke my neck trying to get away from it. Leon assured me that it was likely to be the same one as earlier, and there was nothing in the lake that would harm me. Leon had been known to lie before… Like when he told me there was only goldfish and sprats in the lake, for example…   

I was onto my last food stop, and decided to treat myself to the sugar free cupcake I had been thinking about none stop since I got in (not really) that I had packed myself as a special treat. Usually when I bake at home, everything would have been eaten within minutes and never made it to the lakeside, however these delicious and highly nutritious pieces of gourmet heaven had not been all that popular, and there were many, many left still at home. As I tucked into it, cupcake in one hand, large bottle of water to swill it down with in the other, as I expected it just crumbled and went everywhere. Most of it ending up on the floor, rather than in my mouth, which in itself was hard to miss, but miss I did. I didn’t want to leave the crumbs on the floor, as I was aware that the birds would eat anything, and from a purely environmental point of view, my cake was not good for them, or the lake, or indeed any human I feared, and after collecting up any larger bits, there were only (a million) tiny bits left.

Finally, I was onto the last lap, and as I finally came around the last buoy, many, many swans took to the air (fine by me), and in formation (can you call them a skein of swans)? I stopped for a few seconds to admire the view. In the air they were quite something, and then they, all gazillion of them, landed at the exit to the lake. I initially was quite touched as I thought this was to welcome me back after completing my four hour swim, but unfortunately it wasn’t. They were actually headed to where I spilt the crumbs, which meant, because there was absolutely no way I was going to get out of the lake into the middle of some swans feeding - even if it was on nasty cake crumbs, to get out (which incidentally, it looked like they couldn’t get enough of), which meant that I needed to swim an extra (small) loop whilst I waited for them to finish, Suffice to say, that by the time I had got out, I had decided that there was no way that sugar free cupcakes would even make the short list for Windermere, on account that whilst to humans they tasted awful, the swans couldn't get enough, and there was no way I was encouraging anything to be near me in the water, and the extra bit of swimming added on a few extra seconds to my swim taking it up 4:01:24… and whilst I wouldn’t say this exceeded my time, it was four hours (finally) DONE! 

One last note, you can also follow my progress on YouTube, where I do a vlog, and I post (usually) daily updates on Twitter, Instagram and on my Facebook page Open Water Woman. And for those of you that would like to read more about my Windermere one way swim in 2017, my book Open Water Woman Swims Windermere is available on Amazon.

Here are the links:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcGjwT2ZHjUVgSkvkjgy2Dg

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Open-Water-Woman-Swims-Windermere/dp/1980614660/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1546178539&sr=8-1&keywords=open+water+woman+swims+windermere